On the Lighter Side
A Laugh a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!
Welcome to "On the Lighter Side!"
What is this web page about?
Well, sometimes we just need to take a temporary break from the "stressful" lives that we lead. This page invites you to take a moment to "have a laugh or at least a smile!" It invites you to escape that hectic life for a few moments, and hopefully give some perspective to our lives. If you have an "on the lighter side" moment to share with others, and it is appropriate for school, send it to the Web Manager (all submission will be screened and final decisions for entries on this web site are left up to the powers that be).
Self Appraisal
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?"
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: "I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn."
Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep
your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will
have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."
Woman: "No, thank you."
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks."
Store Owner: "But you were really pleading for one."
Boy: "No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the
job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"
Miser's Final Wish
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."
No Roll Robbery
My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning when a gunman burst in and demanded all the cash. As she nervously handed over the money, she noticed the rolls of coins in the back of the register. "Do you want the rolls too?" she asked.
"No," said the robber, waving his gun. "Just the money."
Denied
My wife received a credit-card application in the mail that she had not requested. She didn't want it, but I did. So I crossed off my wife's name on the form, entered my own and returned the application. I soon got a phone call from a woman saying my application had been rejected.
I ask here her why, and she told me the card could only be issued to the person originally solicited by the offer. However, she invited me to reapply, which I did during the same telephone call.
A few days later I got another call to tell me my second application had been rejected.
Why? The woman told me their files showed that I had previously applied for a card and had been denied.
Shopping on the Internet
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
Ant Eater
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine. The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer......"
Dispatcher: "Rush the kid to the emergency room!"
